Good News Tucson - A Family Values Publication

The Family Journey with Dr. Jeff Parziale

Riding Off Into The Sunset... ALONE

A recent Reuters article highlighted the findings of Cal Weisman, a confirmed bachelor, who conducted a survey of over 1500 men by asking the question, “why are you not married?” His “research” culminated in a book entitled, “So Why Have You Never Been Married? - Ten Insights into Why He Hasn't Wed."

Weismann claims that most men were not afraid of marriage itself, but of a bad marriage. "Men are 10 times more scared of marrying the wrong person than of never getting married at all.”

He says, "This is the first generation of people who have grown up with bad divorces. People assume there is something wrong if you don't marry but these are men who have made a different choice and not given in to social pressures."

Weisman said U.S. figures showed that in 1980 about 6% of men in their early 40s had never married but this number had now risen to 17%. He found three groups of bachelors: 8% who never want to marry, 62% who want to marry, but at least half of whom won’t settle for anything less than perfection, and about 30% who are on the fence. 40% did not want children, 30% did and the rest were undecided.

Interestingly, while 72% said they were not afraid of marriage, about half said what scared them most was marrying the wrong person. "It's so important to these men to get it right.” Weisman’s best advice to single women is to be patient.

Weisman also found that financial issues played a role in men’s fear of commitment. "Those with little money said they would have nothing to offer a partner, with some suffering self-esteem issues and withdrawing from the dating pool. Those who are financially sound were terrified what a bad divorce could do to them.”

Weisman claims his research “blows away” the idea that single men were unhappy. "A compelling issue was how many of them had found contentment in a never-married life," he said. "They had created lives full of careers, friends and ambitions. It was not like they walk around all day worried about not being married."

Oddly enough, researching the book made Weisman look at himself -- and he ended up with a girlfriend for the first time. "Now we're looking at getting married. As I researched the book I found I was looking at men 10 years older than me and it was like looking into the future. If I didn't change, nothing would."

Dr. Jeff Parziale is the director of InStep Ministries, which provides resources, counsel and support to singles, single parents and stepfamilies. To learn more about InStep, see their website: www.instepministries.com or call (520)721-0800.