Good News Tucson - A Family Values Publication

The Family Journey with Dr. Jeff Parziale

What Happy Couples Know

Research suggests that couples married over 50 years are among the happiest. When these are asked for secrets to success, answers include: "Love, friendship and faith." "It’s important to respect each other.” "You have got to be best friends and be able to communicate." And, “Have a great sense of humor.”

In their new book, Wonderful Marriage, Lilo and Gerry Leeds, who've been married for more than 56 years, share their wisdom on how to build and sustain a strong and lasting partnership. Below are several of their tips.

Be your ideal spouse. If someone asked you what you wanted from your partner, you'd quickly rattle off a laundry list of qualities. But Lilo and Gerry say that a great relationship starts with you. "It's my job to be the kind of partner I want," Lilo says. "I think, Instead of criticizing, what can I do differently? or What am I doing that is upsetting him?" Once you commit to improving you, you'll notice a difference in your relationship — and you'll be motivated to improve even more.

Think before you speak. "When I'm angry, I say, 'Don't talk to me. I'm busy counting to 100,'" comments Lilo. "Counting prevents fights from escalating because by the time I'm done, I either forget why I am mad or I realize that what I'm angry about is unimportant."

Ask for what you need instead of complaining about what is wrong. If something bothers you, it's better to get it off your chest rather than fume. "But there's a big difference between 'We never go out to dinner' and 'I'd like to go out for dinner.' Asking sets a positive tone, and is more likely to get results."

Make your marriage a lifelong courtship. "Just because the honeymoon ends doesn't mean the romance has to stop," Lilo says. Gerry adds, "We are still holding hands, making love, and skiing down mountains together. We knew we'd be happy when we met more than five decades ago, but the reality is better than our dreams."
Words to love by; live and love well.

Dr. Jeff Parziale is the director of InStep Ministries, which provides resources, counsel and support to singles, single parents and stepfamilies. To learn more about InStep, see their website: www.instepministries.com or call (520)721-0800.